How to discipline your child?

Disciplined children are more likely to deal with the life in the most matured way. Discipline is not a specific behavior; but all behavioral patterns balanced in the most acceptable way to comply with the socio-cultural demands. Discipline is the result of deliberate training provided by parents at home. Let us see the most preferred methods of disciplining kids.

Parental tips for disciplining children

kids learn from observation and explanation. They are curious at what all see in the world, including the ways people act and react. By nature, children at in the most spontaneous way, like, they cry when they are sad; they shout when they feel to do so; they sleep when they are dozy. They, in fact, do not bother of the outer world and above all ignorant of the rules and regulations of the world. Parents and teachers can teach them accepted behavioral manners by showing it them. Let us see the effective techniques to teach children self control and responsibility.

1. Parents or teachers have to be very cautious when they apply character formation techniques on children as a wrong implication may backfire with unwanted results. Before ever attempting to discipline your child, learn them thoroughly and understand the mind of them. Understanding your child may help you to speculate the possible ways of behavior patterns that can be expected from a child. Discipline with love is what works, not discipline with punishment.
2. Clear statements communicate effectively with kids than suggestions. Suggestions may be taken lightly as immature kids may not ponder over the importance of abiding by disciplined manners. Clearly tell that what the parents and society expects from them. And also teach them how to fulfill these expectations. Rewards have greater effects on children. Reward kids for every desirable act. Never ever take negative behavior very lightly as kids may mistake them as accepted or at least tolerated.
3. Make them aware of the consequences of bad behavior. Just stating your dislike or asking them not to do in certain ways may not convince them of the consequences of negative acts. Tell them all the possible consequences of bad behavior and ask them to withdraw from them. This will help the child to not to repeat same acts in future. If you feel your kids react in negative ways at certain situations, then keep them away from such places and situations.
4. Disciplining is not a one-time job or one-day task. Consistent effort is required to mend the ways of kids and make them act in the most acceptable ways. Many parents do the fatal mistake of beginning the disciplining techniques with punishments. Punishments are not at all parts of child disciplining. If required, they can be used as just a supplement to other techniques. Psychologists say that punishments, many times, help to make kids rebels and also will destroy the entire purpose of training. Let your children learn from the love and care you show to them, not from the sticks that you hold.

A SHARING LOVE STORY EVERY ANNIVERSERY

I met Sharon at church in September 1962, when she was 12 and I was 17. I didn’t ask her out until April 22, 1965, when she was 14 and a half and I was 18. Our date started at church, and afterward we went to the McDonald’s in Granite City to share some french fries. Since this was before ketchup packets and dispensers, we purchased a dunk cup for 3 cents. We sat, talked, and fed each other french fries.

I joined the Air Force in October 1965, and we started writing letters. She was still a baby in my mind. It wasn’t until I came home in December 1966 that I realized that that baby had grown up and matured into the woman I wanted to marry. Letters and feelings of love blossomed, and we were engaged in 1967.

On April 22, 2016, like every year before it, you’ll find us at McDonald’s with our traditional order of french fries. We now bring a small bowl from home that resembles our original dunk cup. Sharon and I still feed each other french fries as we talk of all the happenings of bygone years. We will have been married 47 years this coming September. I’m soon to be 70, and my wife is soon to be 65 years young.

How to Communicate with Children

Communicating with children is a skillful art. Kids just do not speak through the mouth. They use the entire body to communicate and convey. Gestures, body movements, look, cry... everything and everything tell you something. No one understands the children as effectively as parents. The great difficulty in communication with kids is that they lack a proper language. They are at the early stages of understanding and reproducing language based communicative sound and symbols.

What all kids use is gestures and imitations of parents communication. If you want to communicate properly with kids, understanding their minds is essential. Without communicating with kids, parents cannot train them, teach them or guide them. Childhood is vital period of grooming and disciplining. Thus conveying the feelings in the most perfect way to make kids understand is important. Communication also helps developing the emotional attachment between kids and parents.

Communication with children starts from listening to them. Kids are to be the starters. Let parents attentively listen and observe how children behave and convey things. Careful listing and observation help parents to understand how children convey their feelings and what gesture or action for each of the emotions.

• Knowing the kids expressions will help parents to learn what the kids want to say to them. Once you get the right path with kids, then interfere into their communication and integrate purified forms of language and gestures into their communication styles. Teach them words that stand for objects. When you feed them food, tell the word food or the name of the specific item you give them, this way children may learn the association between the object and the sound. Later they will pronounce the word to refer to the particular food item. This is the way of conditioning their language skills.

• Many parents communicate with children through punishments. When kids cry, they take out a stick or show a gesture of punishments to scare kids. Each parent has to know that punishment is the most destructive method of disciplining a child. Punishment means blame, shame and humiliation to children. Of course a punishment or gesture of possible punishment will communicate with the children and they may obey what parents say, but it is a negative way of conditioning the behavior of kids. You may succeed in creating very silent and obedient kids with punishment, but lack of self esteem, communication disabilities, depression etc., are the expected in the future life.
• Minor punishments are necessary to discipline certain kids, but when punishing the children, it is not to express the anger of the parents but to convey to the children the necessity of being good and well-mannered.
• Use proper language when talking to children. Kids learn everything easily in the childhood as they are born with a blank mind. What all parents teach at infancy can become integrated element of child's behavior. Thus, teaching proper language and communication is essential. Using proper language doesn't mean using the same language used between adults. But use the designated words for objects and teach kids the right words for basic human actions like walk, eat, sleep etc.
• Train kids to use the words for each of their requirements. If you talk to them in clear language, they will learn to respond back clearly. Talk to them with examples. If you want them to pick an apple and bring to you, show them an apple and ask them to bring an apple. Same way, if you want to tell them that his/her room is messy, point out on the objects that are scatters around and show them how to clan the room. Next time when you want them to bring and apple or want them to clean their rooms, you need to show them again, but just tell them verbally.
• Never avoid any of the questions from your children. Being highly curios at what all they see, children tend to ask questions all the time. However silly, the questions they ask, answer them properly. Avoiding them without attending their questions will make them not ask or talk to the parents. Encourage children whenever they talk, and include them in family talks. Constructive criticism and generous praise is suggested for children. Never talk bad about children to a third person in the presence of children. This will create adverse results. Never interrupt kids when they communicate or say something.
• Find time to spend with children and listen to them and talk to them. Kids love listeners than talkies. Listening to them will help to develop the verbal skill of children and also to excel in academic levels later in life.

Ways of Fostering the Affection in Family

Affection and love in the family is quite nature and must to have elements to promote the harmony and positive growth of the family. It is the deep affection that makes parents inclined to the sacrifices of growing up kids, perform household activities and meet the financial requirements. If the affection factor is absent no one would have lived complicatedly for the family.

The affection obligates parents to take pain of looking after the kids and similarly, kids to love and obey the parents. Constantly nurturing the affection in the family is essential to keep the bond of love between the members of the family strong. It is the unmatched affection that creates the belongingness in the family life.

The affection expressed within the family is not benevolence but a commitment. Verbal expressions of affection, quality time spend with the family, gifts, mutual services, affectionate touch etc... are the most advised modes of nurturing the affection in the family between the family members.

Expression of Affection

Lavish expression of affection is the best way of fostering it. Verbal expression, physical expression etc., helps the affection to be conveyed to others and also to encourage other members of the family to follow the same. Verbal expression of affection means telling others how you feel about them and how much you love them. Anything said to make them feel loved, or validated can be called the verbal expression of affection.

Appreciating, concealing and complimenting helps others understand the depth of concern you feel for them. Apart from the verbal expression of love, there are certain physical expressions too, to foster the affection between the family members. Hugging them, kissing them etc., are common physical expressions of love and affection.

Spending Time Together

Spending quality time together is an obvious method of nurturing the affection among the members of the family. Such occasions are opportunity for every member to know each other, listen to each other and share with them and care for them.

Involving in any family activity with an objective of nurturing the relationship and developing the affection may be helpful to bind the people together in love. Eating together, outdoor games and walks, storytelling, gardening etc., are examples of family activity. Quality time means spending the time effectively so that it will help others feel more affectionate and attached.

Mutual Services

Helping each one in family unconditionally is a way of increasing the affection between the members of the family. Helping the kids in study or helping wife in kitchen can arouse a feeling of love. If you want your family to be remained most attached always, then do not miss any opportunity to help them. Even trivial services like helping a child to fasten the lace of the shoes may foster the attachment element.

Many people commit the mistake of helping the family members with certain conditions like 'if you do that to me, then I will help you with this'. This is the wrong way of dealing and behaving with the members of the family. Let the help be unconditional, if you really wish to gain the love and respect of them.

Affectionate Touch

Experts say that an affectionate touch nurtures love and attachment among the family members. Physical touch is always positive and it helps transferring the emotion and feelings between the family members. Physical touch, here, doesn't refer to a sexual overtone. When it comes to the aspect of touch between the spouses, sexual touch is essential, but between parents and kids or between siblings the physical touch means a hug, kiss, or just a patting.

Actions like hug, kiss, patting, shake hand etc., directly convey how you feel for them and care them. They are well appreciated ways of expressing affection, especially in the family. Kids get great encouragement and confidence from a proper physical touch of affection. It also conveys a nearness of the dear ones and availability of them in need.

Effective communication within the family

Communication is not the mere verbal exchange of information in the families. It is the expression of respect, affection and concern. Communication doesn't refers to the verbal alone in the family, but physical expressions, gestures and even an affectionate look can be communicative in the family.

It is through the communication the members of the family express their requirements, love, desires, advises etc., to each other person in the family. Family communication is very much different from that with formal communication. Experts say that there are four styles of family communication. Clear and direct communication, clear and indirect communication, masked and direct communication and masked and indirect communication.

Each of these styles has benefits and disadvantages; thus, it is the communicator who has to decide which style to be used according the situations. Whatever are the styles of communication and modes of it, people agree in a point that communication is the essential instrument or bonding factor in the family life.

There are many practical tips to make the communication between the family members more effective. Let us see some of them.

The focus is preference, not principles

Family is the place where no strict or inflexible rules are applicable and principles always remain subordinates to preferences. Focusing on the preferences simply means to give more importance to the personal likes and methods than rules and regulations. For example, you can't just implement a rule that everyone should be silent after 10 at night. It may be the only convenient time for one of the family members to communicate with others.

Be flexible in communication. It is not what others follow that is to be considered the standard in your communication in the family. There are no right time, right way and right place for communication in the family. Implicating principles for communication will make the process completely official and people may feel it mechanical, rather affectionate.

Be positive

Negative and sarcastic communication will destroy the warmth of family talking. Do not over criticize or approach everything in negative way. Certain people cling to sarcasm when they talk to others, especially with family members. This will destroy the mood of talks and others may withdraw themselves deliberately from the family communications.

You can be corrective but even then try to be positive maximum possible. Positive communication is much influencing and effective than criticisms. Creative criticism is helpful in family but always define limits to criticism. Let the communication be appreciating, encouraging, supporting and soothing.

Exaggeration is unaccepted

Many people tend to exaggerate too much when they express their emotions or feelings in the family. Exaggeration is used as a mode of easing the mental tension, but may destroy the family harmony. When you talk or express the feelings be lavish only to the limit of the tolerance of others. Frequent exaggerated talks may make others bored and distrusted in your words and actions.

Let it be more than just verbal

Let the communication in the family be more than just a verbal expression. Even the presence of other family members can communicate a lot. The presence of parents conveys the messages of safety, love and concern to the kids. Similarly, the presence of spouse communicates the feeling of warmth. Use gestures of affection lavishly in the communication. Even when you scold or correct a child or spouse, hold them and talk to them in the most pleasing manner may help the messages to be accepted in the desired manner. A kiss, a hug, an appreciation, a thumps up gesture, everything can tell more than words can do.

Be clear, be gentle and be precise

Being clear, gentle and precise is the rule applicable to any communication; so is to family communication. Do not leave blanks for others to assume or interpret in family communication. If you want to say something to the children or spouse, make your point clear in the most pleasing way. Do not beat around the bush and make others unknown of the messages you intended to pass. Being calm and gentle when you communicate is helpful to invite the attention and action of others. Angry expressions or thoughtless words may be taken lightly, also may not yield the expected reaction.

Be frequent in communication

Communication should not be like a timetabled ritual at home. Find opportunity to talk to other members at home every day and every time. Frequent and casual communication not only helps you to express your feelings exactly, but also encourages others to talk. Mutual communication helps people to grow in affectionate relationship with each other.

Tips on making your family a happy family

Families are the essential building blocks of any society and happy families make a happy society. Everyone wants to live in a happy family as family is the place where human beings find the accomplishment of life. Modern families often face multiple relationship issues which have emerged as contribution of the changed lifestyle and les intense relationships.

Living in a happy family is important to mould each and every human being into responsible social beings. Home and families are places where kids and elders live with a feeling of security and also places of sharing, love, care and concern. Mutual understanding, adjustments and love creates the unbreakable bond between family members and if taken care of certain aspects, any family can be made a happy family.

Making a happy family is no magic as it requires just an extra strained nerve, to nurture love, to facilitate communication and to make each feel contented and secure. Let us see few of the inevitable building blocks that make a happy family.

Be There for Each One in the Family

Presence or availability is the most essential bonding factor that enhances the family relationship. Parents should be available for kids in each of their needs and similarly the couples each other. It should be with the family that each of the family members spends most of their time. Never take the work stress or other unwanted tensions home. As you step into the home, the prior concern should be home only.

Find time to talk to each of the members and arrange activities for the entire family to take part. Family prayers, cooking, watching television, outing etc., are perfect family activities to make a happy family. Family should not be considered a place to just rest after the work and eat the food.

Express the Affection and Warmth

Many people say that they love the family and when it comes to the action they remain unexpressive and quite. Family is the place one learns the basics of love, affection, warmth, encouragement and sharing. Express your affection and attachment towards other members in family with gestures, action and words. Telling just the three words 'I love you' makes others understand the depth of your concern for them.

Do not miss an opportunity to be affectionate with the spouse and kids. Let the entire family move on experiencing a warmth feeling. Unexpressed love is equal to no love at all. Encouragement is another important aspect that boosts the happiness and affection in the family. Be lavish enough to encourage the family members in all their attempts and even for the minute successes.

Communicate Frequently and Effectively

Communication is the key to build a jovial family. Be positive in your communication within the family and truly, the positive communication is the language of love. Talk to each other in the family frequently and designating family together times every day is helpful to this purpose. Even between the spouses, talking eases the tensions and promotes the attachment. Never argue or shout at each other unnecessarily. Family should be a place everyone wants to be with always.

Rituals of affection and honor

Experts say that family rituals are mandatory to maintain the relationships. There are specific practicable family rituals same as religious or national. Weekly outdoor dinners, monthly pleasure trips, family songs, visiting relatives, family cooking day etc., are some of the family rituals that are helpful to bind the entire family with the strings of affection. Such activities are also called rituals of honor as they help each of the family members to understand each other and learn to honor them.

Fights, Blames and Anger are Destructive

Parents should be cautious to not fight before the children and blame each other for mistakes. Horrifying expressions of anger is also equally destructive. When one of the family members makes the entire family life worse with such negative expressions, others may feel family as a disliked place to be. When parents fight before the kids, they are, in fact, teaching the kids with a wrong lesson of communication. Children of fighting parents may become rebels and antisocial in the future life.

Equality is the Best Quality

Considering each of the family members equal and not being partial to anyone is the best qualities a family member can posses. When everybody in the family is considered equal it boosts the confidence, security feeling and affection. Accept the opinions of everyone in the family when family related decision are taken and facilitate mutual respect among family members if you wish to convert your family into a happy family.

Secrets to happy Relationship

Relationships like marriage, romance, live together or any of similar kinds can be sustained with a happy note if some of the secret rules are followed. Relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.

Many of these, so called, rules are based on the life experience of many happy couple and also the observation of people. When two people get into relationships, many of them wish for lasting relationships. But pathetically, a good number of them go apart after a while, in search of new partners. Let us see the secrets that constitute long lasting relationships or ever remaining relationships.

Breakup and Divorce are not the Solution

When asked about the best possible way of resolving the issues in relationships or marriage, many people may comment that breakup or a divorce is the best possible method of putting an end to all the troubles in a relationships. It is the biggest mistake people commit.

The reason for increased divorce rate is analyzed as the mentality of people who even before getting into a relationship think divorce as means of solving possible issues in it. Divorce is never an option but it's the utmost decision to be taken in life only at an inevitable situation. Do not even think about a breakup or marriage whenever you confront with minor issues in relationships. Issues are just byproducts of the happiness experienced in the relationships.

No Perfect Relationships, but Perfect Situations

No one can be considered in a perfect relationship, how happy the couple is, as happiness in a relationship is just the happiness of the situations created by the partners. No relationship, as a whole, is destined to be jovial and satisfying. There can be moments of happiness and moments of struggles.

The couple who learns the secrets of balancing both happiness and struggles wins the life and enjoys the best possible relationship and life. When in tension or issues, many people may think that they are fated to fall in to wrong relationship, and at the same time ignore the possible chances of making each moments in life happy by understanding the partner a bit more and adjusting a bit more.

Never be Afraid or Make Him/Her Afraid

Another secret of happy relationship lies in being open and frank with the partner. Do not feel afraid to express you mind to the partner and never ever make him/her afraid of you to tell out the mind. When people communicate each other many of the issues can be melted down. An issue, how ignorable it is, when kept in mind for several days, can take forms of anger, frustration, dislike etc., and get expressed in the most undesirable manners. Let the communication between the partners be a frequent element and no one should hold the words when he/she really wants to talk.

Love Defined is Respect and Care

You can just tell that you love your partner but can never express the love as it is. There is no emotion like love, but it comes as a package which includes, respect, care, share, dedication, forgiveness etc., express the emotions whenever possible to make the other person feel the intensity of your love. Do not be a miser in loving the partner and let your love be unconditional. It is rightly said that love is defined as respect and care. When the partner feels that you do not care for him/her or do not give him/her the due respect, the person may think of an alternative to you.

Always Support Each Other

Never ever leave your partner unsupported. Whatever be the opinions and ideas, know that you are the only one he/she can lean for support. When both of you are alone, you can argue among yourself on points you disagree with the other one, but in public both of you have only one mind. Holding the hands, especially when he/she is sad or broken, is helpful to convey you care for the person. Once you have decided to live together, then no questions of separation may arise, even in the opinions.